As I was clearing up some old shelves, I discovered some notebooks with hand-written stories and amusing self-pep talks. Among those abandoned drafts was this unfinished parody of Billy Joel’s “The Piano Man.” Enjoy!
It’s nine o’clock on a Saturday,
The regular crowd shuffles in.
There’s a young man sitting next to me
Swiping up, his face making a grin.
He says, “Alexa, can you play me a melody?”
I’m not really sure how it goes.
But it sounded sweet and I knew it complete,
When I wore a baby’s clothes.
Sing us a ding, you’re the smart device.
Sing us a ring tonight.
Well, we’re all in the mood for a notification,
And you’ve got us feelin’ alright.
I thought I’d complete it, adapting the rest of the song words, but as I read the lyrics of the rest of the song, it seemed eerily appropriate. It seems like Billy Joel’s bar is similar to any social media app. What do you think?
Here’s the rest of the song, with only the slightest modifications:
Now John on the app is a friend of mine
He gets me my likes for free
And he’s quick with a joke or to share your post
But there’s some place that he’d rather be
He says, “Bill, I believe this is killing me”
As the smile ran away from his face
“Well, I’m sure that I could be a movie star
If I could get out of this place”
Now Paul is a real estate novelist
Who never had time for a life
And he’s talkin’ with Davy, who’s still in the story
And probably will be for life
And the comedian is practicing politics
As the marketers slowly get drowned
Yes, they’re sharing a reel they call loneliness
But it’s better than scrollin’ alone
It’s a pretty good crowd for a Saturday
And the Faang* gives me a smile
‘Cause he knows that it’s me they’ve been comin’ to see
To forget about life for a while
And the app, it sounds like a carnival
And the microphone smells like a beer
And they sit on the app and put bread in my cap
And say, “Man, what are you doin’ here?”
* FAANG: Facebook, Amazon, Apple, Netflix, and Google
Musings of an eccentric mind 